Apologies and Curses
by AliceOfCakes
Summary: Prom night. Dresses and dances. Or not. A war waged on smartphones. - GrayLucy (and some LucyHibiki, NatsuLisanna, JellalErza). T for language.


**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Natsu the Dickhead, Lucy Heartfilia, Erza Scarlet  
****Subject: Ditching**

I don't want to go to prom. Let's all ditch. Yeah. Even you, Natsu.

.

.

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**From: Natsu Dragneel  
****To: Gray the Asswipe, Lucy, Evil Overlord  
****Subject: re: Ditching**

You're on. Tacos. Let's blow this joint.

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**From: Erza Scarlet  
****To: Natsu, Lucy, Gray  
****Subject: re: re: Ditching**

You boys are such pussies. You just don't want to face the fact that neither of you have dates. Have fun being gay on your date.

.

.

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**From Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Idiot1, Idiot2, Erza  
****Subject: re: re: Ditching**

FYI, I have a date. Yes, a _fucking_ date. Neither of you do. You are _not_ about to go all single-nerd-problems on me. Tacos be damned. (Yes, don't think I don't know what you have wet dreams about every night. Tacos. _Tacos._ Seriously? That fatty shell?)

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**From: Erza Scarlet  
****To: Natsu, Lucy, Gray  
****Subject: re: re: Ditching**

Amen, Lucy. (But by the way, tacos are good. Not as good as cake, but good enough.)

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**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Natsu the Dickhead, Lucy Heartfilia, Erza Scarlet  
****Subject: re: re: re: Ditching**

Fuck it. You girls are such scumbags. This'll probably be the last night that I'm single. If I went to the prom, there'd be a bunch of pathetic sorry guys whose dates had all come flocking to me. I'm doing them a fucking favor.

(Because I'm just that awesome)

(I really am so awesome.)

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Idiot1, Idiot2, Erza  
****Subject: Kindly fuck off.**

Says the guy who was rejected by Juvia – who got asked out by your brother. Yes, your brother. Lyon. You know. The guy who is actually cool. Who is actually more likely to have guys' dates flocking around him. Admit it. I know he gives Natsu a hard-on.

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**From: Natsu the Dickhead  
****To: Lucy, Gray the Asswipe, Evil Overlord  
****Subject: re: Kindly fuck off.**

I am not homosexual. (I can't say the same for Gray – or _you_, Lucy.)

(that's right, I saw you making eyes at Mirajane)

(don't pretend it didn't happen)

(it happened.)

(_it happened._)

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Idiot1, Idiot2, Erza  
****Subject: re: re: Kindly fuck off.**

Kindly fuck off and die.

(it didn't happen.)

(didn't.)

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**From: Natsu Dragneel  
****To: Lucy, Gray the Asswipe, Evil Overlord  
****Subject: You just mad, cuz you got it bad.**

I fucking rhyme. I'm just freaking fantastic.

(did.)

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**From: Erza Scarlet  
****To: Natsu, Lucy, Gray  
****Subject: If I miss my date, I will go apeshit on your ass.**

Jellal is waiting.

I don't make Jellal wait.

_Don't fucking make me make Jellal wait._

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**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Natsu the Dickhead, Lucy Heartfilia, Erza Scarlet  
****Subject: re: If I miss my date, I will go apeshit on your ass.**

_Ooh_, Jellal is waiting.

_Ooh,_ I don't make Jellal wait.

_Ooh, don't fucking make me make Jellal wait._

_Ooh, I just wanna ride into the sunset on a horse with Jellal into a wonderful glen with my hair flowing free in the wind._

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Idiot1, Idiot2, Erza  
****Subject: Ooh**

_Ooh_, Gray's just signed his death warrant. (And BTW, are we ever going to prom?)

(Gray, Lyon will never let you not go to prom.)

(It would be an embarrassment.)

(to him)

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**From: Natsu Dragneel  
****To: Lucy, Gray the Asswipe, Evil Overlord  
****Subject: Lisanna**

She's coming with us, that cool?

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Idiot1, Idiot2, Erza  
****Subject: BURN**

Natsu's got a date.

I've got a date (was supposed to, but you dicks made me make him wait – ooh. I get it now. Kill him, Erza).

Erza's got a date.

YOUR MOVE, GRAY.

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**From: Erza Scarlet  
****To: Natsu, Lucy, Gray  
****Subject: I can't believe I'm quoting a meme.**

Do you want to die? Because that's how you die, Gray.

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**From: Natsu Dragneel  
****To: Lucy, Gray the Asswipe, Evil Overlord  
****Subject: re: BURN**

How many fucking times –

Will I have to repeat.

That Lisanna is a childhood friend?

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Idiot1, Idiot2, Erza  
****Subject: re: re: BURN**

Whose pants you want to get into.

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**From: Erza Scarlet  
****To: Natsu, Lucy, Gray  
****Subject: re: re: re: BURN**

BURN.

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**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Natsu the Dickhead, Lucy Heartfilia, Erza Scarlet  
****Subject: re: re: re: re: BURN**

BURN.

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**From: Erza Scarlet  
****To: Natsu, Lucy, Gray  
****Subject: Welp.**

Jellal's coming with us if we ditch. I'm cool.

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Idiot1, Idiot2, Erza  
****Subject: re: Welp.**

Cool. I'm coming.

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**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Natsu the Dickhead, Lucy Heartfilia, Erza Scarlet  
****Subject: re: re: Welp.**

What happened to: _FYI, I have a date. Yes, a fucking date. Neither of you do. You are not about to go all single-nerd-problems on me. Tacos be damned. _?

Are you on your period or something? Mood swings?

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Idiot1, Idiot2, Erza  
****Subject: Since you so very nicely asked.**

Hibiki cancelled, due to his adoptive father getting a stroke (am I a bad person if I say I saw this coming for years? He's short _and_ obese.)

We are _not_ getting tacos.

Yes, I am on my period. So hands on your mouth and don't say anything related to bloody hell. Or I'll put a stick up your gay ass.

I went there.

I _fucking went there._

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**From: Erza Scarlet  
****To: Natsu, Lucy, Gray  
****Subject: re: Since you so very nicely asked.**

Wow. Losing a prom date and being on your period. _Wow_.

The temper rising is going to be strong within this one.

Your ass is going to hurt.

.

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**From: Natsu Dragneel  
****To: Lucy, Gray the Asswipe, Evil Overlord  
****Subject: re: re: Since you so very nicely asked.**

You are going to have a stick up your ass.

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**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Natsu the Dickhead, Erza Scarlet  
****Subject: I don't care about my dignity.**

Help me.

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Idiot1, Idiot2, Erza  
****Subject: You are an idiot.**

DID YOU JUST MESSAGE THE TWO OF THEM PRIVATELY

DO YOU WANT A STICK UP YOUR ASS THAT MUCH

IS THAT IT

ARE YOU SOME PERVERT THAT NEEDS SOMETHING IN YOUR BUTT

I'M ON MY PERIOD

YOU DON'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ON MY PERIOD

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**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Natsu the Dickhead, Erza Scarlet  
****Subject: re: I don't care about my dignity.**

PLEASE STOP HER.

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Idiot1, Idiot2, Erza  
****Subject: DID YOU JUST FUCKING DO IT AGAIN**

You're even gayer than Laxus.

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**From: Erza Scarlet  
****To: Natsu, Lucy, Gray  
****Subject: Gayer than…Laxus?**

Is there basis for that comment?

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Idiot1, Idiot2, Erza  
****Subject: re: Gayer than…Laxus?**

You didn't know? I thought it was common knowledge that he and Fried were screwing around. Wait. I'm not sure if it's Fried. But it couldn't be Bixlow, right? Couldn't be Bixlow.

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**From: Natsu Dragneel  
****To: Lucy, Gray the Asswipe, Evil Overlord  
****Subject: re: re: Gayer than…Laxus?**

You have scarred me.

(psst Gray's hiding and not replying).

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Natsu, Idiot2, Erza  
****Subject: re: re: re: Gayer than…Laxus?**

Thank you. (I take it back. You are straight.)

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**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Natsu the Dickhead, Lucy Heartfilia, Erza Scarlet  
****Subject: re: re: re: re: Gayer than…Laxus?**

Fuck you, Natsu. Sincerely.

(and yep, it was common knowledge, Erza.)

(It's not Bixlow)

(I hope you stay scarred, Natsu.)

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**From: Erza Scarlet  
****To: Natsu, Lucy, Gray  
****Subject: re: re: re: re: re: Gayer than…Laxus?**

I hate to break up our lovely bonding session, but Jellal's here at my house. We're going over to Natsu's. Lisanna messaged me and said she'd go there too. Gray, Lucy, you head over there, too.

(I had no idea.)

(you should have told me, Lucy.)

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Natsu, Idiot2, Erza  
****Subject: K**

K. Be there soon. (with a stick in tow)

(and I'm sorry, Erza)

(I didn't know you were serious when you said you had a crush on him)

(I thought you meant you liked his pants)

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**From: Erza Scarlet  
****To: Lucy  
****Subject: re: K**

Those pants were amazing. And tight. Damnit they were tight.

* * *

**From: Lisanna Strauss  
****To: Lucy Heartfilia  
****Subject: Yay**

We're going over to Natsu's house ~ Somehow, it's still unreal.

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Lisanna Bunnies  
****Subject: re: Yay**

How is that unreal? You are his childhood friend of approximately nine years. You have spent practically every summer in his house. It is real. You have taken baths in his tub. (_Naaaaked._ No regrets.)

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**From: Lisanna Strauss  
****To: Lucy Heartfilia  
****Subject: re: re: Yay**

It's unreal. You'd get the same feeling if you went to Gray's house.

Yes, darling.

I went there.

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Lisanna Bunnies  
****Subject: My dear, delusional friend.**

That thing with Gray was a one-time thing. Hormones.

Besides, I was pulling for Juvia, remember?

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**From: Lisanna Strauss  
****To: Lucy Fullbuster teehee  
****Subject: re: My dear, delusional friend.**

Remember?

What I remember is how happy you looked when Lyon asked Juvia out.

And she said yes.

And you were officially rival-less. (I rhyme! I'm amazing.)

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Lisanna Bunnies  
****Subject: re: re: My dear, delusional friend.**

Don't talk about him, he's been a jerk. And Hibiki cancelled. And I'm on my period. And I'm fat. (You sound just like Natsu.)

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**From: Lisanna Strauss  
****To: Lucy Fullbuster teehee  
****Subject: re: re: re: My dear, delusional friend.**

He's always a jerk.

When guys try to be sweet, they end up being jerks sometimes.

You can't do anything about Hibiki cancelling, dear.

Nature's way of providing you an excuse to be a bitch. (But don't use it, darling.)

You are practically anorexic. (Okay, you're not. But you're not fat.)

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Lisanna Bunnies  
****Subject: re: re: re: re: My dear, delusional friend.**

It's hard to think about that when you're actually in the moment, listening to him be a jerk. If he's trying to be sweet, then couldn't he just, y'know, be sweet?

Hibiki was lovely. But I detested his father. I'm sorry. I should like him, I know, but how can you like an old guy who makes a pass at his son's date? That's like asking me to watch _Twilight_. No. But I _am_ sorry that he had a stroke. If I end up attending his funeral, I'll cry real tears. (Maybe.)

(I'm totally using this excuse.)

(And when you're as depressed as I am, your whole body looks fat.)

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**From: Lisanna Strauss  
****To: Lucy Fullbuster teehee  
****Subject: re: re: re: re: re: My dear, delusional friend.**

I guess that explains why I look so slim tonight.

* * *

**From: Erza Scarlet  
****To: Lucy  
****Subject: You game?**

I know Gray got you upset.

You don't have to come if you don't want to.

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Erza  
****Subject: I'm game.**

Nothing's sadder than staying home at prom night. I'm coming.

(but I'm bringing my Monopoly board. Don't tell me not to.)

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**From: Erza Scarlet  
****To: Lucy  
****Subject: re: I'm game.**

I can promise three rounds. Then no more.

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Erza  
****Subject: re: re: I'm game.**

You're such a good friend.

* * *

**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Natsu the Dickhead  
****Subject: Shit**

Okay, I'm pretty sure that Lucy hates me now.

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**From: Natsu Dragneel  
****To: Gray the Asswipe  
****Subject: re: Shit**

You could make it up by playing Monopoly with her.

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**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Natsu the Dickhead  
****Subject: re: re: Shit**

See, that's it. I love Lucy, but why does she insist on playing that Zeref-awful game? She's chasing the guys away.

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**From: Natsu Dragneel  
****To: Gray the Asswipe  
****Subject: re: re: re: Shit**

I screen-capped your message. I want you to know that. And I'm showing it to Erza. (And maybe to Lucy at your wedding reception).

Like; _Aw look at that. He loved me even when I was being a Monopoly-playing bitch. What a nice guy._

Then a hug-hug-kiss-kiss thing and then I throw up.

Lyon's going to be mad about you breaking your bros before does code.

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**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Natsu the Dickhead  
****Subject: No.**

Whatever. I don't mind playing a couple of rounds, but Lucy just doesn't stop at a _couple_ of rounds. She plays until she passes out or throws up. And I don't know which'll come first, because I'm sure you're serving drinks at your place.

(and he broke it before I did.)

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**From: Natsu Dragneel  
****To: Gray the Asswipe  
****Subject: re: No.**

Monopoly's not that bad. Boring, but maybe not as bad as Vidaldus' singing.

(Remind me to remind you to punch me later. I can't believe I typed that.)

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**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Natsu the Dickhead  
****Subject: re: re: No.**

You deserve to be castrated. (Couldn't you have, like, I don't know, backspaced? Or something? I'm thinking you actually like Monopoly now.)

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**From: Natsu Dragneel  
****To: Pathetic Gray  
****Subject: Avoiding the subject.**

Text her.

* * *

**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Lucy Heartfilia  
****Subject: Sorry.**

Um. Sorry for being a jerk?

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Idiot2  
****Subject: re: Sorry.**

That might've worked if you threw out the question mark. Ass.

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**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Lucy Heartfilia  
****Subject: re: re: Sorry.**

Can we drop the ass subject? (I'm sorry.)

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Idiot2  
****Subject: re: re: re: Sorry.**

Why are you only nice when we're messaging? Every time we talk in real life, you're such a jerk. (Scratch that. You're a jerk even in IMs.)

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**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Lucy Heartfilia  
****Subject: re: re: re: re: Sorry.**

I can't help that I'm mad that you're going to prom with Hibiki. (_Were_. Sorry about that, too.)

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
****To: Idiot2  
****Subject: re: re: re: re: re: Sorry.**

If you were going to ruin my night because you were mad that I'm going with Hibiki, couldn't you have just asked me first before he did? Egad.

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**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Lucy Heartfilia  
****Subject: re: re: re: re: re: re: Sorry.**

Um, I'm pretty sure it would have been impossible for me to ask you out while you were hanging all over Hibiki's arm.

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia  
To: Pathetic Gray  
Subject: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Sorry.**

So what do we do now?

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**From: Gray Fullbuster  
****To: Lucy Heartfilia  
****Subject: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Sorry.**

I'm thinking we ditch the guys and attend prom.

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia**  
**To: Pathetic Gray**  
**Subject: Are you mental?**

What is this. I don't even.

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**From: Gray Fullbuster**  
**To: Lucy Heartfilia**  
**Subject: I probably am.**

I'm a crazy badass.

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia**  
**To: Pathetic Gray**  
**Subject: ARE YOU MENTAL.**

Don't act cool. You aren't.

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**From: Gray Fullbuster**  
**To: Lucy Heartfilia**  
**Subject: re: ARE YOU MENTAL.**

I'm the best you're ever going to get, sweetheart. Don't you forget that.

(Hibiki doesn't come _close.)_

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia**  
**To: Gray**  
**Subject: argh.**

Why does it feel like you're playing Can't Touch This right now?

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**From: Gray Fullbuster**  
**To: Lucy Heartfilia**  
**Subject: re: argh.**

MC Hammer is dope.

You coming?

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia**  
**To: Gray**  
**Subject: re: re: argh.**

Only if we get tacos after.

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**From: Gray Fullbuster**  
**To: Lucy Heartfilia**  
**Subject: Right in the kokoro.**

I love you so much.

(And Hibiki, seriously?)

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**From: Lucy Heartfilia**  
**To: Gray**  
**Subject: re: Right in the kokoro.**

Meh.

(Love you too.)

* * *

What happened then was that Erza, Jellal, and Lisanna showed up at Natsu's house, with Erza and Jellal still in prom apparel.

Gray and Lucy where nowhere to be found.

But they had a pretty good guess where they were.

* * *

**EPILOGUE:**

"Damn it, Erza, how many times do I have to tell you that we don't have cake in our house?"

"If you don't buy some right now, I'll tell Lisanna you have a crush on her!"

"ERZA! SHE'S RIGHT HERE!"

"_Natsu_...!"

Jellal leaned back, chuckling, as Natsu gamely tried to throw a pillow at Erza, but throwing anything at the Evil Overlord was a futile attempt. Lisanna smiled hugely, laughing at the sight of Natsu getting owned.

Prom night was nice.

Relationships were made.

Friendships reinforced.

A man sent to the emergency room.

And no Monopoly played.

* * *

**end.**

* * *

**Author's Note: **No, I will not return to re-write this and make the ending longer.

No, I will not improve this story.

Writing the notations of an instant message sucks the crap out of you.

**History:**

**.**

**published June 18, 2014**

**.**

Fuck that ending. Twelve pages and no development? I hated myself every moment that the story still wasn't written out. And fuck my tradition of putting two halves of a quote. This is a lame story. It doesn't deserve a quote.

Fuck fairy tail. I haven't been able to write a single story for Percy Jackson. Or Harry Potter. Or POKEMON.

And fuck Laxus for being gay. He is.

**Disclaimer: **fairy tail doesn't deserve the honor of being mine.


End file.
